Work vs. rest, or why sometimes the hardest decisions are the most obvious

I was so embarrassed.

Almost a year ago, I’d enthusiastically committed to leading a GreenBiz20 workshop for 50-100 corporate sustainability professionals. The topic was human sustainability: how to maintain your energy for the work you love.

Now I was about to cancel — because I’d run out of energy. Facepalm.

I’d booked my travel to Phoenix. I’d thought hard about the impact I wanted to have as the facilitator — to help these people, who do such important work, avoid the kind of burnout I’d hit while working at Apple. I’d spent weeks designing the workshop. Developed my framework: connect to your purpose, align with your values, and regularly rejuvenate your body and spirit. Selected my group exercises, refined my storytelling.

Aaaannnd… then I got sick.

It had started just before Christmas as a mild cold. Persistent little bugger. It flared up hard after a 24-hour work trip to Orlando a few weeks later. I felt awful. Hard coughing. Nasal congestion. Achy sinuses, ears and muscles.

But I kept moving ahead: coaching my 20 clients, running a leadership development workshop at X, taking care of administrative tasks, parenting my son, living my life.

My symptoms, especially my cough, got worse. Last week I found myself in the radiology department, a mask on my face, getting a chest X-ray to see if I had pneumonia. The X-ray came back clean (phew) but my doctor diagnosed me with a respiratory infection.

I told him I needed to travel to Phoenix to run a workshop. People were counting on me!

He gave me antibiotics. They didn’t do much.

The Phoenix trip was drawing closer and closer.

Panic time.

I couldn’t imagine suffering through a flight with painful sinuses, mustering up the strength needed to energize a big room of people for an hour, and getting through the presentation without hacking away every few minutes.

I also couldn’t imagine canceling. I’d have to admit — to the organizers, to myself — that I’d failed to live up to the rejuvenation message I planned to deliver.

I did what I often do: I stalled. I asked friends for advice, hoping someone would decide for me. I fretted.

Then I did what I encourage my clients to do. I slowed myself down. I tried on a few perspectives, including that everyone gets sick sometimes (especially, it seems, this winter). I asked myself: What’s most important in this moment? How do I want to be in this situation? Which outcome will allow me to make the biggest long-term difference I want to make in the world?

And it became crystal clear: I would honor my health. GreenBiz is a world-class conference, and they’d roll on just fine without me. I’d find another opportunity to use the material I’d developed.

I stayed home. So I can replenish the energy I need to do the work I love.